Wednesday, April 18, 2012

To My Dad, Roses are red...

Today is the first April 18th that I am unable to wish my Dad a happy birthday... except in my prayers. My Dad passed away last month, just five weeks ago. It was sudden. My family and I are deeply saddened.

I cannot even explain the swirl of emotions and hurt I feel inside after this loss. I now know what it truly means to feel like a part of me is missing. I still can't really believe it. I can't believe that he's not here anymore. I know he's in a better place, and I will see him again one day but that feels SO far away right now.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. 

It is going to take my family and me quite a bit of time to get over this loss. However, I have an incredible support group around me and I am so thankful for that. My husband has been my rock. He has been by my side through it all, and I cannot thank him enough for the strength he has given me.

I want to genuinely thank my family and friends for circling around my Mom, sister, and me during this time. The comfort and love you have shown me through each and every prayer, card, text, call, email, donation, flower, and meal mean more to me than I could ever express. We will get through this. There has been a lot of change already and even more to come, but we're sticking together and taking things one day at a time.

I hope during this process that I can make some positive changes in my own life. I do not want take life for granted, not even a second. Life is short. All life fades and none of us know when our time is up. I want to consciously live my life to the fullest. Isn't that what life is about? I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately. All I have is memories. I realize now more than ever that making great memories is what life is all about. I want to keep making great memories with the people that I love most. I want to make really awesome memories. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day activities and never ending to-do lists, but that is not what life is about. Yes, things still need to get done, but shouldn't we all keep a tight focus on what truly matters?

Living life to the fullest has nothing to do with its length and everything to do with its width.

One of the things that struck me after my Dad passed is that it was over. It's all over. You get one life here on earth and when it's over, that's it. You did what you did. You said all you said. There is no going back. You can't go back and say the things you wish you would have said, visit the places you've always wanted to see, or do the things you've always dreamed of doing. My Dad lived a great life, don't get me wrong. But it's given ME a wake up call to make the absolute best of my life, my time left here.

When looking through some of his things I found this little note I gave
him in 1994 (it was written on the back).

Happy Birthday, Dad.
I think about you all the time. I'm really going to miss you.