Wednesday, April 18, 2012

To My Dad, Roses are red...

Today is the first April 18th that I am unable to wish my Dad a happy birthday... except in my prayers. My Dad passed away last month, just five weeks ago. It was sudden. My family and I are deeply saddened.

I cannot even explain the swirl of emotions and hurt I feel inside after this loss. I now know what it truly means to feel like a part of me is missing. I still can't really believe it. I can't believe that he's not here anymore. I know he's in a better place, and I will see him again one day but that feels SO far away right now.

Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall. 


It is going to take my family and me quite a bit of time to get over this loss. However, I have an incredible support group around me and I am so thankful for that. My husband has been my rock. He has been by my side through it all, and I cannot thank him enough for the strength he has given me.

I want to genuinely thank my family and friends for circling around my Mom, sister, and me during this time. The comfort and love you have shown me through each and every prayer, card, text, call, email, donation, flower, and meal mean more to me than I could ever express. We will get through this. There has been a lot of change already and even more to come, but we're sticking together and taking things one day at a time.

I hope during this process that I can make some positive changes in my own life. I do not want take life for granted, not even a second. Life is short. All life fades and none of us know when our time is up. I want to consciously live my life to the fullest. Isn't that what life is about? I've been thinking about my Dad a lot lately. All I have is memories. I realize now more than ever that making great memories is what life is all about. I want to keep making great memories with the people that I love most. I want to make really awesome memories. It's so easy to get caught up in the day to day activities and never ending to-do lists, but that is not what life is about. Yes, things still need to get done, but shouldn't we all keep a tight focus on what truly matters?

Living life to the fullest has nothing to do with its length and everything to do with its width.

One of the things that struck me after my Dad passed is that it was over. It's all over. You get one life here on earth and when it's over, that's it. You did what you did. You said all you said. There is no going back. You can't go back and say the things you wish you would have said, visit the places you've always wanted to see, or do the things you've always dreamed of doing. My Dad lived a great life, don't get me wrong. But it's given ME a wake up call to make the absolute best of my life, my time left here.

When looking through some of his things I found this little note I gave
him in 1994 (it was written on the back).

Happy Birthday, Dad.
I think about you all the time. I'm really going to miss you. 
-rae

41 comments:

  1. oh i am so sorry.... i can't even begin to imagine. thinking of you.

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  2. thank you for sharing those lovely words. we're thinking about you and your family....donna

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  3. This must be so difficult for you and your family. Thank you for sharing your feelings and for putting things into perspective for all of us.

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  4. My prayers are with you and your family during this most difficult time. Thank you for the reminder to live each day to the fullest.

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  5. Thinking of you and your family during this difficult time. My prayer is that God wraps his loving and comforting arms around you and your loved ones, and that as each day passes it gets a little easier.

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    1. What a difficult day and time. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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  6. Rachel, I'm so sorry. I pray that God will give you and your family strength and comfort during this difficult time.

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  7. Prayers are with you during this hard time! It makes a world of difference to have a supportive husband!

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  9. Have been thinking about you Rachel - such a sweet post you wrote. Happy to hear an update, but will continue to send prayers and thoughts your way as you heal from all of this.

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  10. Such a touching post. Thinking about you and praying for strength and comfort during this difficult time.

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  11. I was just thinking about you this morning and praying for you and here you are posting. My heart is sad for you and your family, I'm so thankful you have your husband and a great support system. It is a comfort to know that your dad is in Heaven and you will see him again some day. I will continue to pray for you and your family, thank you for sharing with us today Rachel. Happy Birthday to your dad. Hugs.

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  12. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. My mom's birthday is also today and I have come close to losing her many times due to her battle with heart disease. I am beyond thankful that I was able to call her this morning to wish her a happy birthday. I can only imagine how hard this day is for you and I will be praying for you and your family. Everything you said is so true...live each day to the fullest with no regrets. xoxo, Jennifer

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  13. Such a beautiful post, Rachel. Happy Birthday to your sweet father. I am sure he is so very proud of you. You all are on my mind all of the time. May you cling to each other and find strength in the human kindness that surrounds you. Hugs, sweet friend.

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  14. Love you, friend. Thanks for writing this. I've been struggling with being so stressed out lately and worrying about getting married and being a good wife and daughter and friend, etc. This made me realize just DO it. Stop worrying about it and just live. Make memories. That's what it's all about.

    I love you. I bet your dad is SO proud of you and the person you are. xoxo.

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  15. Rachel, know exactly how you feel. My dad passed a year and a half ago, also unexpectedly! Saddest thing I have ever experienced and I still have so many days when I wish I could just call him and ask his advice. He always seemed to have the right things to say. I miss his hugs and sweet voice! I will be praying for you and just know that each day gets alittle easier, but you will never fill that emptiness you feel in your heart! Be thankful you had such a wonderful dad and wonderful memories!

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  16. Oh my goodness. I am a new reader but my heart goes out to you and your family and this terrible loss. He seemed like a wonderful father to you!

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  17. Such a beautiful tribute to your dad. Hoping today brings lots of happy memories of past birthday spent together and all they you two shared. Thinking of you often....xo

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  18. What a beautiful post, Rae. You are such a beautiful woman and your family and friends are so blessed to have you! Love and prayers!

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  19. I am so sorry that you have lost your dad. I love what you wrote about him--that was such a sweet tribute. It's so hard to find the right things or words to say to show what a wonderful person your loved ones are, but you did a great job. Praying for your family

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  20. Rachel, I'm so sorry to hear this news. What a sweet, wonderful post! I'm sure your dad is looking down and smiling at every word of it. My husband lost his mother three years ago... such a tough process. Feel free to email me if you ever want to chat or have questions about the grief process. You and your family are in my prayers! xo

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  21. So sorry about the sudden loss of your dad. Nothing prepares for a sudden loss - especially when you don't get to say goodbye. I lost my brother 3.5 years ago. God is faithful. Much love to you and your family.

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  22. Rachel, my thoughts are with you and your family. I am sure you have beautiful memories of your father which you will cherish always.

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  23. Rachel, I had no idea! I am so sorry for you and your family's loss. I can't even imagine what it feels like. I have lost a lot of family but a parent is completely different. I hope you are doing well. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family!

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  24. Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for your loss. I lost both my parents a year ago so I know you feelings and sadness.
    So sorry.
    Peggy

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  25. I'm praying for you and your family. I'm so sorry for your loss.

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  26. Rachel, I'm so sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. My dad passed away suddenly about a year ago. I still miss him every single day. Do you get that feeling that he's just on a trip and you haven't seen him in a while? I did and still do. It gets easier though especially when you can pray and feel the connection to him that way.

    Best,
    Colleen @ Meet the Sullivans

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  27. I have been thinking of you since I heard, Rachel. I lost my dad in October, and I hate that you are going through the same thing. Your post sums it all up. Thanks so much for sharing- I know it is a hard thing to face and to put in writing.

    "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7

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  28. Im so sorry for your loss. Your family is in our prayers!

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  29. This actually brought me to tears. Thank you for being brave enough to share it. Sending strength and warm thoughts your way. ox

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  30. I am so sorry for your loss, Rachel. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  31. Dear Rachel,

    I know that you and I have spoken about this but I want to say thank you for sharing your Dad's birthday with us. Hugs!

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  32. Big, big, big BIG {{HUGS}}. I can't even imagine, so I won't even try. All I can say is that I'm sure you were an amazing daughter to your father, and that you blessed his life, as he blessed yours...My sincerest condolences. We are all here for you. No matter what.

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  33. I was bloghopping when I stumbled upon your blog.

    Sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my prayers.

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  34. Sorry about your dad. Your post was a nice tribute to him and the way you live your life in his honor. God Bless.

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  35. Just want you to know you are not forgotten. I check in on your blog often for a new post and say a prayer each time for you and your family.

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  36. Rachel I am so sorry to hear about your Dad. I lost mine when I was 40 and it rocked my world. It is not an easy thing to get through but hopefully you and your family will bond together and pull each other through. I'll be praying for you.

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  37. Rachel, I just found your blog via my friend Red Door Design Company. 5 weeks ago my Dad passed away and I've been renewed into living my life everyday to the best of my ability! I even wrote about him in my blog. It was my parents' wedding anniversary yesterday and it was our first 'holiday' without him...I've heard it gets better and that it takes time. I just wanted you to know that I get what you are going through and I'll keep you in my prayers. xo

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